


They Probably Do

by DocRanger



Category: Original Work, Transformers - All Media Types
Genre: F/M, OC Crossover, just for fun
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-31
Updated: 2020-08-31
Packaged: 2021-03-07 02:00:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 750
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26219023
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DocRanger/pseuds/DocRanger
Summary: When you start writing fanfic involving your creations, you know you've gone into deep end. Especially if this fanfic is a crossover between a media property you barely know. Anyway, what if my and my buddy's OC Contessa met some other robots in disguise?
Kudos: 2





	They Probably Do

**Author's Note:**

  * For [rubberchickencircuit](https://archiveofourown.org/users/rubberchickencircuit/gifts).



The planet Cybertron. A metal technological marvel, a world of machinery and giant mechanical lifeforms, torn between the peace-loving Autobots and the warmongering Decepticons. It’s a grim world of grim war.

Two giant transforming robots hunched over in one of the ruined buildings near the surface of the planet.

“My lord”, said one, holding a seemingly small metallic pod. “Our scouts obtained this on planet Earth. A terrestrial machine... which could be useful for espionage.”

The terrifying leader of the evil Decepticons, the cannon-armed Megatron examined the pod briefly. His servant opened the pod… revealing a petite, curvy human woman. Well, human-looking, in any case. The optic sensors of Megatron and Soundwave registered that the signs of life were only apparent. The woman was a machine like themselves - only designed by the Earth humans.

“I see…” Megatron smiled, examining the woman. “This could come in handy, Soundwave.”

“ExCUSE me?”, The woman disconnected from the discreet charging port in her chest, and looked around - showing signs of annoyance rather than confusion or fear. “I have multiple questions, and I shall start with asking where the FUCK I am.”

The colossal robot looked at her, amused. “On the planet Cybertron, little robot-woman.”

Contessa Isabella looked, disinterested, at the steel ruins around her, folding her arms. “This tells me less than nothing, darling. And... yes, I am a robot, apparently a little better at hiding it than you. But this leads me to my next question. WHO are YOU?”

Megatron chuckled. “I can see you were made by humans – you’re good with emulating their talkativeness. I am Megatron, rightful ruler of this world.”

“Mhmmmm. We have established something, that’s some progress.” Contessa walked to and fro on Megatron’s outstended palm, and looked up to the robot’s face. “Well, how the blazing hell I’ve found myself on the planet Cybercrap wearing only my nightgown?”

“You were brought here by my servants – after we analyze you, we use the Earth’s technology to create an improved version of spy drones. Thus we will find our opponents, the blasted Autobots!”

“Wait, analyze?”, Contessa raised an eyebrow. “Could you kindly explain what do you mean by ‘analyze’?”

“While human technology is, naturally, inferior, you represent some venues we never needed to explore. We need to disassemble you and…” Megatron realized that the robot woman jumped down from his hand and slid across his body. “What? Get the artificial human!”

“So long, _fessi_!” Contessa screamed, running for cover - she couldn’t help herself. Cybertronian robots might have millions of years worth of technology at their disposal, but Contessa’s AI told her clearly when to hoof it.

She shoulted “I might be small, but I’m quicker and…” she looked back over her shoulder. “…and you can change into a cannon. Well that’s hardly FAIR.” She ran to a building that shook from the impact of the missile shot by Megatron and fell on the ground, narrowly evading the rubble.

“ _Cazzo_!” Contessa swore as she looked around. There was a bridge leading to another open zone… and the giant robots were after her. “There’s…”

She stopped, seeing a sports car zooming at her. It stopped, its wheels still squeaking. “Get in.” she heard a pleasant young voice.

“That’s probably the worst idea ever.” She hesitated. “I’m only doing it because I’ve always wanted a Ferrari.” The car sighed, as Contessa climbed in, just in time for the angry Megatron to crash through the wall.

The vehicle zipped through the ruined streets of the robot city. “So… you’re a car.” Contessa noticed, and prodded the steering wheel with her sharp fingernail.

“We’re mechanical lifeforms. I can sense you’re one too, though disguised as an Earth woman. We’re also robots in disguise.” The voice politely explained.

“If you’re also going to vivisection me, I swear I will ruin this upholstery before I die”, Contessa noticed calmly.

“’Also’? I assure you ma’am, we Autobots don’t hurt humans, their technology and our fellow machines. You’re safe with us on at least three levels.”

Contessa liked that. She glanced in the mirror, relieved to see that the giant white robot was no longer chasing them. “You’re fast. What’s your name?”

“You can call me Override.” The voice was pleasant and young-sounding. “I’m taking you to our Ark, to meet our leader. We’ll take you back to Earth soon.”

“Hmm… I’d like to learn more about you, darling.” Contessa stared in the mirror once again, correcting her long dark hair. “For instance, do tell me, do Autobots fuck?”


End file.
